Observations from a Congolese Wedding

As is very often the case, I found myself in a setting that was way out of the ordinary for me.  If I start at the beginning of the story, I can say that I met a young man who worked as a guard for one of my neighbors.  I helped him to improve his English while he helped me to improve my French over the period of several months.  Before long, I was discipling him and our conversations always turned toward spiritual things.  He would often talk about his desire to get married, to one girl in particular, but her family wouldn't accept their union because of the tribe that he comes from.  Finally, the family accepted and they began to make preparations for their wedding.  After four months time, the first of three stages of marriage took place and here is what I observed (with my American brain).

• As a true testimony to the love of ceremony, Congolese weddings take many months to complete.  A marriage is not considered complete until it is completed on the following three levels; ancestral, civil, religious.  
• The ancestral marriage is when the two families come together and the family of the bride formally accepts the bride price and makes a public symbol of their daughter going to join the family of the groom.
• Men sit inside the house while women and children stay outside.  Married men sit around an inner circle with the bride and groom.
• The bride enters the room with much cheering and singing.  All though she is very well dressed in a new outfit, she doesn't smile or make eye contact with her future husband.  He is also sitting looking at the floor.  She chooses a place beside him and they don't talk...at all.
• To start the ceremony, someone from the bride's family will introduce everyone from their side starting with the most important.  The groom's family will do the same.
• The bride price (in this case a goat, a bicycle, and a considerably large sum of money) is passed from the head of the groom's family to the groom.  The groom then hands them to his bride, who then takes them and places them in the hands of her father.  Her father carefully inspects the goat to see that it is of agreed upon quality and checks the bicycle to be sure that it is new and not previously used.  The money is then counted slowly and out loud as everyone peers over his shoulder.  Many photographs of this event are taken, more than just as a keep sake, but rather as evidence of payment received.
• When this has taken place, the men from the bride's family leave the house to make room for the women of the groom's family.  A good meal is served of sweet potatoes, potatoes, rice, ugali (corn meal mush), chicken, goat, caterpillars, and some green, leafy vegetable.  Although the bride's family prepares the meal, they do not eat.
• The formality of it all seems to fade away, after all they are family now.  However, the bride and groom still don't look at or talk to one another, although they are still seated right next to each other. 
• When the meal is over, family members from both sides of the wedding wander in and out of the house while dozens of photos are taken.
• Finally, when it is all over, the more than twenty members of the groom's friends and family pile into three vehicles and are gone.  Nobody on either side seems to say goodbye.

Weddings seem to say a lot about the culture of a people.  Some of the things that seem funny to us about this ceremony, won't seem funny to you unless you live here.  In either case, I was happy to be considered a close enough friend to be included in the groom's "delegation" and I was also happy to see a new cultural setting from the inside. 

A Year In Africa

One year ago today, we were stepping off an airplane and embarking on a new journey in the DRC. While a lot of this new journey was unknown, we were excited for the new adventures ahead. This is where God had called us and this is where the Church of the Nazarene needed us. We were ready!

In thinking back about our year so far, there is so much we’ve learned, so much we’ve experienced. Here’s the short list:

• Give us an emotion and I’m pretty sure we can give you an example of when we’ve experienced it.
• Driving is…different.
• Church services are long, but filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit and joy…and dancing. Lots of dancing.
• We now own a cat. That’s something I thought we’d never say.
• There are now two little girls in Lubumbashi named Jillian and Macy.
• We welcomed our first Work and Witness team from Point Loma (although they have been coming here for a couple years) in May.
• We watched the first school be built and opened on the District where we live.
• We saw one of the 7 natural wonders of the world in Zambia; Victoria Falls.
• Jill visited South Africa and our Regional Office for the first time.
• We’ve been able to witness our children learn and thrive in another language (with better accents than us).
• We’ve made lifelong friends that we will forever consider family.
• Macy had strep throat and malaria…at the same time. We witnessed God’s hand of protection and healing on her.
• We’ve seen the effects of war on a developing nation and how God can use the church for peace and reconciliation.  
• The standard of health care has been hard to adjust to, when you know what else exists. A lot of families we know have lost a child, many in this last year, from curable diseases.
• Coming to appreciate electricity and figuring out how to survive without it for random hours or days at a time.
• Coming to appreciate water and learning how to keep extra on hand when it’s all gone.
• We’ve eaten fish…head and all.
• We’ve learned to eat rice and beans with our hands. It’s harder to get in your mouth than you might think.
• Being more and more amazed at what women carry on their heads. And, what men carry on the back of their bicycles.
• The one part of life that is not laid back and slow paced is driving.
• Gavin has had 30 men at one time push our car out of the mud. They had to pick it up to get it back on the road.
• Experiencing a deeper and more intimate relationship with Christ, truly and genuinely relying on Him for our every need.
• We’ve seen God calling young and old pastors to service and continued preparation. 

We don’t know what 2014 holds, but if it’s anything like 2013, we know that we will be truly blessed. 

                                          To God be the Glory, great things He has done!